ROCHESTER—Friday, researchers at the Mayo Clinic announced that a medical breakthrough in the area of neuro-processing had not only taken place, but that top secret pharmaceutical development had already begun, and that manufacturing of a new drug would commence shortly. While the applications for this new synaptic formula are virtually limitless, doctors are focusing their efforts on one specific industry and its dilemmas—in an effort to dramatically improve the lives of not only board gamers, but all of their friends, and game nights—new Meeplex XP is being touted as a "miracle drug".

Meeplex XP claims to be the cure for the most dreaded of board gamer afflictions: "Analysis Paralysis" (explico nervorum resolutiones). And with this "scientifically significant" breakthrough taking place at the precipice of convention season it's possible that board game demos may never be the same!

Board game podcaster Marty Connell was planning to submit a testimonial for Meeplex XP but did not have it ready at the time of publication. 

SAN FRANCISCO—In the wake of their mobile app's overwhelming reception last year, mobile gaming company, Niantic, just announced that the July 6 anniversary of their app will also serve as the release date for its newest property, Pokémon Go, the Board Game. 

The decision to produce a board game came about through the observation of Pokémon Go players' digital habits. In a recent report Niantic revealed that trainers had traveled more than 603.5 billion km—nearly 16 million trips around the world!

“It is an achievement, to be sure,” says Niantic CEO John Hanke. “But how many of those kilometers were done by foot and not by motorized vehicle?” Hanke went on to explain his suspicion that a huge majority of the Pokémon Go community has a fetish with playing the game while sitting at home. “If they are insistent upon playing the game contrary to the terms of service, there is opportunity there."

PoGoBoGa, as its fans are already referring to it, is his answer. A cooperative, deckbuilding, area control board game with a legacy element that so far appears to exactly mirror the mobile app's mechanics. Niantic will require a physical address in order to ship its "Game Updates," (encyclopedia-sized boxes that contain modifications to the main game). Each game board will be unique; a map of customers' shipping address and the surrounding area. Players will interact with the pokéstops and gyms that are printed directly on the board, and can encounter pokémon depending on dice rolls as their trainer tokens wander the board.

"My family loves playing together on our own copies of the game," says Harry Winters, early playtester and father of three. "We don't ever actually interact, but we all play at the same time, and I saw Niantic’s Twitter account announce that only 1% of the game is released. So, we're all looking forward to more!"

No instructions are included with the game, which has frustrated some playtesters, but Professor Willow does include a 3x5 card that asks "Are you a boy or a girl?" and a request to return the card by post.

Avid solo player, Mary Contrari, picked the game up quickly. "The tracker deck was so great," she says. “I loved knowing how far to move my player token to find pokémon.” When the first Game Update box arrived with a replacement for the tracker deck, she was excited to make the changes. "It's a little hard now. Everything is three steps away."

When she received the next Game Update, she decided not to use it—until one day she discovered that someone had broken into her house and replaced her tracker deck with new no-footprint cards. "So annoying! But I caught a Snorlax that was nowhere on my radar, so I guess it's fine.

​BUDAPEST—Edwin Rousseau, 33, demolished the weightlifting world record in his weight class for the snatch lift with an astounding 233 kilograms (514 lb.). When pressed about his training secrets, Rousseau revealed that board games played a big role in his decision to start training.

“Chutes and Ladders and Uno held a special place in my heart, growing up,” Rousseau said. “But one day I saw this game at the store called Caverna. It looked incredible.”

Rousseau inspected the game box and attempted to lift it. He couldn’t. “I was puny then,” he said. That’s when he decided it was time for workouts.

His exercise routine started small: just a barbell and 10 kilograms (22 lb.) weights attached to either side. When he felt comfortable enough with those, he advanced to attaching the board game Agricola on either side of the barbell.

Rousseau paused a long time before elaborating about Agricola. “The game was really tough,” he said, tears in his eyes. “It almost made me quit.”

One of his good friends helped him through that time, and after muscling through training for about a year, he felt he was ready.

A tractor trailer delivered two copies of Caverna to his house. Once he dragged them across the threshold, he tied them to his barbell. The moment of truth had come.

In a feat of superhuman strength, he raised the bar over his head, locked his elbows, and then his knees. He had done it!

“Eventually I’ll be strong enough for Mechs vs. Minions or Gloomhaven, but lifting Caverna has taught me so much.” Rousseau published his own weightlifting series on YouTube titled The Road to Caverna Weights for the Puny.

HANOVER, PA—French gaming company Asmodee acquired snack food company Snyder's-Lance Inc. in an overnight negotiation early Tuesday morning. The idea was reportedly conceived after CEO of Asmodee NA Christian Petersen nearly choked on a token from 7 Wonders that he had mistaken for a pretzel.

"It's just habit, you know?" says a meeting attendee who wished to remain anonymous. "When you're making game-altering decisions, you just grab whatever's closest."

Business analyst Bill Burningside thinks there was more thought put into the acquisition, especially since the board game market has the potential to get saturated. “Food is consistent income even if the board game industry takes a nosedive.”

Adding Synder's-Lance to the Asmodee Group opens up huge opportunities for the already-monstrous gaming company. Several employees have confirmed that coupons for free crackers and pretzels will be included with purchases over $35, and an Asmodee Snack Catalogue will be included in every game box.

“Imagine game night without snacks,” says analyst Alan Z. Alonzo. “Now imagine it with snacking made easy. That's what this is.”

Wutanfallhaus
BOARD GAME NEWS
​Volume 1 • Issue 5 ​

The re-branding comes on the heels of several big acquisitions made by board game giant Asmodee Editions over the past few years. In 2014, Asmodee acquired  two hugely popular game publishers: Days of Wonder and Fantasy Flight Games. And then in 2016 Asmodee acquired the English language rights to the Catan series of games and Canadian publisher F2Z Entertainment, which includes Z-Man Games and Plaid Hat Games under their umbrella.

“We really want WNA to stand out,” said David Doust, co-founder of the company. “In an industry that’s growing as quickly as board games, we want to make sure that people understand our unique contribution to tabletop gaming.”

“I was shocked when I heard the news,” says local gamer John Detrick. "I didn’t know they weren’t part of Asmodee. It's nice to know that at least a tiny part of the money I've spent is helping a totally different company.”